πΉππππππ πΉπ ππΆ πππ (they/them) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ruevealing) wrote2023-08-05 10:44 pm
ruevealing) wrote2023-08-05 10:44 pm
You say it all of the time. Anytime that you are stressed or sad, I have heard 'I just need to get over it'. Did you not know?
Oh. I... guess I didn't notice. [He admits a little awkwardly, not sure what to make of the information.] I just... know I shouldn't linger on stuff, because it doesn't help anyone.
[Rue watches him for a moment, quiet and thoughtful, just observing the teen, before they reach up to brush the hair from his forehead with a careful talon.]
You can not just shake off trauma. You can not just bury your feelings until there is nothing real left within you. I did that very thing and it turned me into someone I was not. Someone cold and distant and so very alone. I would be deeply ashamed if any of you were to have seen me like that.
You can not just shake off trauma. You can not just bury your feelings until there is nothing real left within you. I did that very thing and it turned me into someone I was not. Someone cold and distant and so very alone. I would be deeply ashamed if any of you were to have seen me like that.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that- I don't want you to feel like you ever have to do that again. [That much is genuine sympathy on his part, even if he doesn't have all the context of what happened to Rue. He's relaxed under Rue's paw, even as he worries his bottom lip between his teeth.]
I'm just... supposed to be spider-man, I'm supposed to be strong and capable. I'm an Avenger, I went to space once. I'm not really good at being a superhero anymore, but, being upset about everything isn't useful...? I can't help anyone if I'm hung up on my feelings.
[For as much maturity as Peter does have, he's still a teenaged boy with a skewed idea of how to handle himself. His natural compassion is for everyone else but himself.]
I'm just... supposed to be spider-man, I'm supposed to be strong and capable. I'm an Avenger, I went to space once. I'm not really good at being a superhero anymore, but, being upset about everything isn't useful...? I can't help anyone if I'm hung up on my feelings.
[For as much maturity as Peter does have, he's still a teenaged boy with a skewed idea of how to handle himself. His natural compassion is for everyone else but himself.]
[Maybe it comes out stronger than they intend, but Rue's tone is firm, calm and level but incredibly firm.]
I do not care about Spider-Man. Or Avenger, whatever that is.
The only one I care about is Peter Parker, the boy who is like a son to me. Who has become my family. Those others things are not you. Perhaps they are pieces of yourself, but Peter is the one who matters the most. Whatever pressures were put upon you to be Spider-Man over yourself were cruel and utterly unfair.
You do not exist just to be useful to other people, Peter. You exist to live your own life however you choose. And no one else gets a say in that. Not your Aunt. Not Tony. Not even Leo. Your life is yours to live. You choose who you want in it, what kind of person you wish to grow up to be, how the world will remember you.
Trust me when I say the world deserves to know Peter Parker over Spider-Man.
I do not care about Spider-Man. Or Avenger, whatever that is.
The only one I care about is Peter Parker, the boy who is like a son to me. Who has become my family. Those others things are not you. Perhaps they are pieces of yourself, but Peter is the one who matters the most. Whatever pressures were put upon you to be Spider-Man over yourself were cruel and utterly unfair.
You do not exist just to be useful to other people, Peter. You exist to live your own life however you choose. And no one else gets a say in that. Not your Aunt. Not Tony. Not even Leo. Your life is yours to live. You choose who you want in it, what kind of person you wish to grow up to be, how the world will remember you.
Trust me when I say the world deserves to know Peter Parker over Spider-Man.
cw; vague suicidal ideation, fear of abandonment, trauma, PTSD
heyunderoos
2023-11-29 04:05 pm (UTC)(link)
[Peter opens, then closes his mouth, his teeth audibly clicking together. He genuinely doesn't know what to say. Peter is quiet for a long moment. His thoughts feel scattered to the wind.
He's gone over this with Leo, assured Leo he was staying. As much as Leo assured Peter he understood and didn't have to worry anymore. Peter thought he resolved this, gotten over it. He thought he was okay with taking a step or ten back from Spider-Man. All he wanted was to be Peter Parker. Nothing more, nothing less. He's wrapped so much of himself emotionally into being a hero, it doesn't feel like there is much else there even when he tries to be Peter.
Then Leo lost his arm. Something that would significantly change the course of his life forever. Something that Peter wasn't even there for. He couldn't do anything for his boyfriend but hold him afterwards, assure him everything would be okay.
He could have done something... couldn't he? He could have protected Leo. There are so many 'could haves' running through his mind, and he feels useless. He's spinning in circles emotionally about something he couldn't stop.
and peter died, but, does that matter when he's supposed to be dead anyway?
The teenager rubs at his face with his free hand, the other still clutching at Rue's paw like a lifeline. He just outwardly seems defeated, exhausted.
As soon as they realize Peter Parker isn't as good as Spider-Man, everyone will leave him. They'll be disappointed in him like Fury, mocking of him like Beck, dismissive of him like the ADI. May loves him, but May is always the exception to the rule. Even then, he puts May in danger with what he does.
It would be better if Peter Parker didn't exist at all.]
I... don't know what to do anymore. Every time I'm just Peter, something bad happens. Maybe it's better if I just was Spider-Man.
[His breath shakes slightly as he closes his eyes, trying to not just burst into tears.]
He's gone over this with Leo, assured Leo he was staying. As much as Leo assured Peter he understood and didn't have to worry anymore. Peter thought he resolved this, gotten over it. He thought he was okay with taking a step or ten back from Spider-Man. All he wanted was to be Peter Parker. Nothing more, nothing less. He's wrapped so much of himself emotionally into being a hero, it doesn't feel like there is much else there even when he tries to be Peter.
Then Leo lost his arm. Something that would significantly change the course of his life forever. Something that Peter wasn't even there for. He couldn't do anything for his boyfriend but hold him afterwards, assure him everything would be okay.
He could have done something... couldn't he? He could have protected Leo. There are so many 'could haves' running through his mind, and he feels useless. He's spinning in circles emotionally about something he couldn't stop.
The teenager rubs at his face with his free hand, the other still clutching at Rue's paw like a lifeline. He just outwardly seems defeated, exhausted.
As soon as they realize Peter Parker isn't as good as Spider-Man, everyone will leave him. They'll be disappointed in him like Fury, mocking of him like Beck, dismissive of him like the ADI. May loves him, but May is always the exception to the rule. Even then, he puts May in danger with what he does.
It would be better if Peter Parker didn't exist at all.]
I... don't know what to do anymore. Every time I'm just Peter, something bad happens. Maybe it's better if I just was Spider-Man.
[His breath shakes slightly as he closes his eyes, trying to not just burst into tears.]
[Rue will not let go of him. Peter can cling as hard as he likes, Rue has him right here at their side, safe and out of danger. There's nothing they want more than to wrap this boy up in a hug, but they must speak first, the owlbear must be able to hold his hand and look into his face during this difficult conversation.
They are trying to be very neutral in their approach, logical because Rue has tried emotional with Peter before and that went nowhere.]
What bad things have happened that you believe are your own fault? And know that if you say what happened to Leo, I will shake you.
They are trying to be very neutral in their approach, logical because Rue has tried emotional with Peter before and that went nowhere.]
What bad things have happened that you believe are your own fault? And know that if you say what happened to Leo, I will shake you.
[He releases a little breathless laugh at the threat. That is enough to make a few tears escape. He's clearly trying to just stop himself from crying, and not getting very far.]
I gave Beck those EDITH glasses from Mr. Stark, it got me, Mr. Fury, my classmates and a bunch of people in Prague killed. [Peter has no idea what Beck's actual plans are. He assumes something worse will happen in Prague now.] Mr. Stark meant for those glasses to be for me, because I'm supposed to be 'the next Ironman', I'm not good enough for that. Ironman saved the world a lot of times, and I just made it worse.
I was stupid and went into those woods. I should've just left, but I kept getting lost. I got kidnapped and died because of it.
I gave Beck those EDITH glasses from Mr. Stark, it got me, Mr. Fury, my classmates and a bunch of people in Prague killed. [Peter has no idea what Beck's actual plans are. He assumes something worse will happen in Prague now.] Mr. Stark meant for those glasses to be for me, because I'm supposed to be 'the next Ironman', I'm not good enough for that. Ironman saved the world a lot of times, and I just made it worse.
I was stupid and went into those woods. I should've just left, but I kept getting lost. I got kidnapped and died because of it.
Trust me, Rue, I kinda made... too many. I think we need help eating them.
wait, do know what latkes are?
wait, do know what latkes are?
...Sure.
[He doesn't add to that. But Leo does think Rue should feel however they wanna feel about the whole situation. And if that's being bitter for a little bit, then so what?
But Rue's not wanting that energy here so he shrugs and munches another chip.]
Doesn't feel like a year.
[He doesn't add to that. But Leo does think Rue should feel however they wanna feel about the whole situation. And if that's being bitter for a little bit, then so what?
But Rue's not wanting that energy here so he shrugs and munches another chip.]
Doesn't feel like a year.
[No, it really does not. It feels shorter and longer all at once.]
What is on your mind, dearest?
What is on your mind, dearest?
[He has so many questions. So many thoughts that it's hard to really wrangle them into a coherent string. Rue's dealt with so much the last few weeks looking after all of them in the aftermath, of dealing with the Fae they're sort-of-but-not-really familiar with. Of always missing Hob and being mad at him still it seems.]
Just that time moves fast. A lot's happened y'know?
Just that time moves fast. A lot's happened y'know?
[Alright, mom's coming in.
Rue scoots closer to drop a wing over Leo's shoulders, leaving him the option of fully leaning into their embrace or not.]
Even just in the few months we've had here, it feels as if our lives are always in motion with something or other. But it is not all bad. In fact, most of it has been quite wonderful. Much different than the constant looming horror of ADI.
Rue scoots closer to drop a wing over Leo's shoulders, leaving him the option of fully leaning into their embrace or not.]
Even just in the few months we've had here, it feels as if our lives are always in motion with something or other. But it is not all bad. In fact, most of it has been quite wonderful. Much different than the constant looming horror of ADI.
[The moment he leans in, Rue is easily tugging him closer. Cuddle time.]
Does that bother you? How fast this is moving?
Does that bother you? How fast this is moving?
[then rue immediately follows up with:] Are you happy?
I am too.
[Take a little owlbear kiss against Leo's temple.]
Meeting you and the other boys has changed my life completely.
[Take a little owlbear kiss against Leo's temple.]
Meeting you and the other boys has changed my life completely.
[Leo!! Such high praise. It makes Rue's heart absolutely sing.]
Nor would I have without you. You were such a dear friend to me all through that mess. To think you are my son now, it fills me with such pride to see how far we've come.
Nor would I have without you. You were such a dear friend to me all through that mess. To think you are my son now, it fills me with such pride to see how far we've come.
I do not. :) Though I would happily eat anything you made me.
[Enjoy their delighted hoot of a laugh and the way their eyes just shine at that.]
Look at you! Am I rubbing off on you, Peter?
Look at you! Am I rubbing off on you, Peter?
They're a traditional jewish food, my uncle taught me how to make them. They're like deep fried potatoes.
Do you want me to come over with them?
Do you want me to come over with them?
I would love that. My day is always brighter seeing you, Peter.
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