πΉππππππ πΉπ ππΆ πππ (they/them) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ruevealing) wrote2023-08-05 10:44 pm
ruevealing) wrote2023-08-05 10:44 pm
ruevealing) wrote2023-08-05 10:44 pm
no subject
No, no! You didn't say anything wrong. Nothing to apologize for. Um, I just meant.
[He fidgets, looking awkward.]
I guess I'm tired... it just hit me all at once, how much has happened. We never had this kind of, um. Self-reflection time? Back home. Though maybe I should be used to it, by now. It's been almost a year.
no subject
I think that after the life you've lived, even a year might not be enough to fully be used to the change, don't you think? We've been through so much in these few short months here in Folkmore, but that doesn't mean we're always prepared for everything thrown our way. Or that we always know how to react once it's over.
It's alright if you aren't fully used to it yet. Honestly, I don't think even I am.
no subject
I... guess that's true. There's still a lot of old habits I can't let go of. Maybe I never will.
[His mask, his gear- he doesn't feel safe, not entirely, unless he has them close by. Sometimes he can manage it without his grapple, and more often these days without his armour even under his clothes, like for parties or hangouts with Rue or date nights. But the mask, the chainstick. Always at his side. He needs it, or he can't breathe right, can't relax. Eight months can't undo a full lifetime of hypervigilance. The very basic concept of going barefoot still fills him with dread. (What if the Krang show up? What if they've spread their infection in the ground somewhere? It could be anywhere. On the street, in the woods, on his carpet- he can't. He can't. Socks or shoes, he needs a barrier.)
His fingers curl in Rue's feathers. He's not used to it, and... that's okay.]
...I'm... being too hard on myself again, aren't I. [It's not a question. Grace. He needs to give himself some grace.] You're not there yet, either?
no subject
I'm not. Though it is less about my life back in Faerie than my time... prior to this place.
[Is that just proof enough of how Rue still struggles to grow past their time spent at ADI? It may have been a much shorter period in their life, and certainly not as traumatizing as everything Casey has lived through, but it still remains there within them, forever lingering, that curling fear Rue can't quite ever put fully away.
They still flinch at the sound of bugs buzzing just a touch too close to their face to this day.]
We are doing our best to grow past the things that have scarred us, but there's nothing wrong with it taking time, or needing to take up space processing what you've been through. Some habits might stay with us forever, and there's nothing wrong with that. We're giving ourselves grace, remember, even when we might feel we should be over things by now.
no subject
It hasn't even been a whole year yet. For either of us.
[Despite everything that's happened here, those darker days still feel too close. He thinks too often of waking up to the sound of distant explosions or alarms ringing, checking the daily reports of casualties, injuries, ration levels, Krang movements. Tactical meetings, scout missions. No lazy mornings of boyfriend cuddling, full and hearty breakfasts, school days and motherly sleepovers. Rue would have been in hiding, stuck in ADI's facilities or forced to wear a disguise to hide in the human world, facing the awful things that happened there.]
I... wish it didn't take so long. But it does, so... we'll take our time. [He shifts in their grasp, turning enough to find their paw and hold it.] I'll keep working through it, with you.
[With them, alongside them. They're stronger together.]
no subject
[His hand finds their paw and there is no scenario in which Rue doesn't curl their talons lovingly right back around him.]
I'm proud of you. Facing what you've faced isn't easy, but acknowledging that recovery takes time, that it's alright if we are not perfectly okay every single moment of every single day, that's very courageous. You're giving yourself grace and that makes me so very happy.
no subject
I'm proud of you, too. Even with everything you have to deal with, everything you're carrying, you do so much to support all of us. I'm sure you'd say it's something like a mother's job, but that's still worth celebrating. Not all of us are used to having encouragement like that. Thank youβ¦
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Well you have it from me now, from here to forever. Always.
[Rue will be there for every single celebration and every single hurt in Casey's life from here on out, there is no in-between.]
Come here, you must be so exhausted from everything. Do you want to rest in my wings for a bit, Casey? We can put on some nature videos and just relax together.
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I... think I'd really like that, yeah. If you don't mind.
[He can eat later. Maybe get some counselling later. Right now he just wants some cozy time with Mom.]
no subject
I never could.
[Within half an hour or so of cuddling, Hob would no doubt be bringing them breakfast, while the pair sleepily watch their favorite, calming shows together, all cuddled up beneath the thick, ocean-colored quilt Rue bought in honor of their adoption.]